In Transit – BBBOOORRRINNNGG!!!

today we spent pretty much all day on the bus going from cleveland to niagara falls, wo weve done a whole lot of nothing. Im waiting at Buffalo for a connecting bus to Niagara now. Id describe all the scenic shit we saw on the way, but i didn't give a toss and slept the whole way. hahaha!

SSCCCHHHEEEEEEEYYYAAA!


ps - okay i had to add this, cos i think it's funny.on the 2nd leg of our bus trip some indian child started talking to van, and cos van talked back- she decided van was her new best friend, and so sat next to van and coloured in with her the whole way and tallked shit! hahah van thought she was cute ..but 20 mins later she goes "i don't want to talk to that little girl anymore" - hahahha see - she needs to adopt my "i hate children and dont want to talk to them" face.

Next stop...cleveland

Almost didn't make it here cos nearly missed our flight cos i was too busy stocking up on gossip mags and shit in the newsagent,but then they paged us so had to go running. hahah.

got to cleveland late monday night and checked into our hotel which was so harro it might as well have been in china!! all good tho, was right on the main rd and in the middle of the university district so there was gold transport everywhere!

Went to the rock and roll hall of fame on tuesday – that place is awesome! we had like 3 and a half hours in there but i reckon we could have spent all day in there! so freaking cool - was just so lame that you couldn't take photos – bastards!!! Saw bon jovi's motorbike ( i thought of you boys!!) and one of elvis's cars! was bright purple and so freaking awesome man!

Went for dinner at the House of Blues – was no band playing, so just hung out in the restaurant, was so excited to eat normal food – and a steak and salad went down so good!!!!! then we made the mistake of ordering dessert - it was the greatest thing in the history of the world but was so good it could have fed all of dubbo or something!the waitress at the hosue of blues was so maad, she took us for a tour through the concert hall - was freaking mad man shits all over our hordern pavillion – stupid ugly black room that is!!

After dinner went this mad place called corner alley – where they have a bowling alley and pool tables and a bar and shit with music going – was awesome – although that didn't do much more but reinforce that i suck at bowling!!

came back to the hotel to pack up our shit cos we have to leave early in the morning. i bought 3 pairs of shoes, so my bag looks like it's about to explode. I had to chuck a bagload of my shit out already cos i cant fit everything in – can;t wait to get back into the warmer weather so i can chuck out all the random winter shit!

Gotta run. seeya kids!!

Ange
x

Cracky Chicago Revisted

we got back from milwaukee around 9pm on saturday night, we went straight to the hostel and checked in and guess what, yep – everyone in our room is asleep again. wierdo's. We got ready and jumped in a cab to go meet Alex and her friends for her birthday drinks at Xippo's (or something like that). Suburban chicago is gold. It's only like 10 min out of the CBD, and there's all these little neighbourhood bars on all the corners – so gold!

anyways, we get drunk again – surprise surprise. we start doing shots with some of alex's friends - and we notice that all american shots have such nice and namely clean names – for example – we were doing lemon drop shots, and 'red-headed slugs'. everything was going good till me and van start telling them about our australian shots and their dirty names – the americans think it's hilarious we have shots called 'wet pussies', 'cocksucking cowboys' and 'quickfucks' – and they think it's even more hilarious when we start buying round after round. got so trashy – hahah was gold!

We woke up sunday, and suprise suprise...we missed breakfast, again. we headed down to this place called navy pier that has all these cool shops and a mad f**k off free christmas world thing! went to bubba gump's for lunch – and that place is freakin awesome - we had these big ass cocktails and got free bubba gump glasses...and the shrimp is to die for!! before we left...i had to buy a number plate that said “run forrest run” and a pencil for ant that says “stupid is as stupid does”. hahahah. bought some mad postcards and shit to send home to dara and one for me to keep on my wall “You can tell a lot about a person by their shoes” - indeed! and seeing as i have the best shoes – that means im also the best!

We walked down the pier and went into the winter wonderland festival hall.The place is unfreakingbelievable!! its a free christmas display that is put on by some american bank, and there was rides, ice skating, xmas displays, christmas choirs and everything- was so good – im so excited about a white christmas!! even more after going to that!! Me and van were lining up for all the rides and pushing all the kids out of the way to get on the jumping castlesand slides...although might not have been a good idea after cocktails and some shrimp! best news of that day tho – was that i manged to NOT fall over when iceskating! ten points ange!

Went out on sunday night for dinner with alex, cheryl and anna – they took us for traditional chicago deep dish pizza – that shit is the bomb!! although, one slice and you're done! it's so good though! like a big ass pie or something! oh and they let you sign the walls and furniture and shit! mad!

Monday was our last day in chicago – and possibly the most exciting..cos monday was JERRY SPRINGER DAY!! JERRY JERRY JERRY!!! we met two random american dudes our dads ages in the line and they were like our buddies all day. got to go into the studio and me and van are freaking out and getting all giddy and shit cos we're actually sitting in the jerry springer studio!! so crazy!! jerry comes out and is talking to the crowd and asking questions and shit so i put my hand up and say “have you ever considered taking your show internationally cos im from australia and we got a lot of crazy ass people down there too! we have trailer parks too, and believe me - they're full of crazy people” hahahahah i just wanted to talk to jerry! although i was getting death stares from people when i started bagging out trailer parks!

anyway the show starts and its about cheating partners of course. and some chick comes out and is taking about how she cheated on her husband with his friend who just got out of prison but now she's also having sex with a chick from her strip club. anyway, the husbands friend comes out and he has bigger bitch tits than her. i had to get on tv so i made an audience comment and said “my comments for the stripper chick – i don't know your name- did you realise you were lesbian while having sex with Juan because you liked his boobs so much? juan – take your top off and get some jerry beads” bhhha - was so proud of myself, but then i vomited in my mouth a bit because an old lady with no teeth and coke bottle glasses took her top off for some jerry beads. vomit.

Headed back to the hotel after jerry to pick up our bags and caught the train to the airport. Love the rail in Chicago! it's all up in the air like our monorail and made me feel like i was in gotham city! gawgeous!


Anyways, im dunzo for today.

Ange
x

We're not worthy! Milwaukee....we're coming!

We leave the cracky ass hostel in chicago and start a mad dash across town to catch the bus to milwaukee. It's so cold, me and van are both dressed like eskimos and still freezing our asses off. It's so cold that me and van are struggling to breathe, and then when van grabs out the puffer – it's fricken frozen!!!!!

Anyway, we get to milwaukee and even though we didn't think it was possible, it was colder than chicago and there ws snow everywhere. We check in to our hotel and go eat at a diner down the road that was recommended to us by the hotel reception. um note to self, george webbs diner – sucks ass. We went shopping in grand avenue all day and chilled out back in the room for a couple of hours before heading down to the hotel restaurant “speak easy” for dinner – the meals are massive and so cheap! but seriously, are burgers like america's national food? they're fucking everywhere! sick of looking at them!

After dinner we hit the irish pub around the corner for a few drinks and were then going to head out to a club, but when we walk into the pub we realise that they were celebrating prohibition day and they were selling 75c beers...called SCHLITZ! (hahah german for slits) of course, giving 75c beers to team vange, is like giving free crack to crackwhores – so naturally we overdosed and got so freaking blind. and then, just in case the 75 cent slits, sorry schlitz, weren't enough – we thought we'd do some shots! van asks for cowboys, no one knows what she's talking about, so she explains it and the barman goes “oh yeah, we have that but we call it a buttery nipple” (BUTTERY NIPPLE? WTF!!). anyway, we do a few rounds of these and then these promo girls come round with shots of whiskey, but unlike the tarty promo girls in sydney clubs who sell you disgusting drinks for exorbitant prices...these shots were free! so what does ange do? helps herself to two..at a time....

Anyway van makes friends with a munchkin called shane butts (hahah butts) and while they are making gooey eyes at each other, im challenging munchkins mates (who weren't munchkins by the way) to rounds of whiskey shots... fifteen minutes later im dunzo and ready for bed (or a bathroom). so me and van stumble outside and munchkin butts follows. while van and buttsy are talking...im entertaining myself by climbing into road barricades and playing jack in a box by myself. van and munchkin butts have a domestic outside the hotel and van starts going off at him while im sitting inside watching and pissing myself laughing. we finally make it upstairs...just in time for me to curl up next to the toilet because i've never been so sick in my life and whilst im spewing my own version of a goulash..van is on the phone to timmytam, jabs and steve. hhahah gold times.

We wake up the next day at 2pm, and i feel like im dying until van gives me a hairy lemon – hahah thanks champ!!! we go to applebees – just like in talladega nights - for some greasy food, and then hang out at the amtrak station waiting for our bus back to chicago – can't wait for round two with the crackheads at the hostel.

Much love,

Ange

x

Part 1 of Cracky Chicago.

So today was kind of uneventful, we slept in, missed breakfast (of course) and then made our way to LA for our flight to Chicago, We were so gee'd up when we were coming in to land in chicago cos all we could see was snow everywhere! it was so exciting! fucking freezing tho!

anyway, we go to check into our hostel and i swear to god we've stumbled across some hillsong/churchie/nerd hostel!we go up to our room to drop our bags off and everyone is asleep..at 10pm and then when we put on the bathroom light so we can get a bit of a shadow to be able to see where we're going, all the bitches start huffing and puffing at us. oh waa waa bitches! don't start, or i'll huff and i'll puff and i'll blow you away bitches hahahahah!

we cant sleep, so we stay awake till 4am watching tv in the common room – side note : america has freaking awesome tv programming) and then finally go to bed to try and get some sleep. (oh and i fell off the couch at some point too. pretty funny)

But of course the nanna's who went to bed at like 6pm the night before are up and at em at 5.30am slamming around the room, switching lights on, using hairdryers and slamming locker doors. Just as i'm about to skitz it, throw a tanty and scream out “SHUT UP MOLES” i'm momentarily stunned into silence because out comes some cracky latino chick walking around topless and with only a towel around her fan fan ...fresh from the shower, then she chucks a shirt on, drops her towel..and well hello – lets all welcome fanny to the party. and up to then i was a little stunned but at the same time i was like meh...until....she pulls out sanitary pads from her bag and starts sticking them to her underwear. um bitch please, don't make me regurgitate the breakfast i would have had yesterday if i hadn't slept in.

until next time,
ange
xo

Goooood Moooorrrnnniiinnnggg Cccaaalllliiifffoooorrrnnniiia! (PS- LC!! Are you home?? please let me in!!!)

so we touch down in LA at 10.30am, we line up for customs and i get moved to the express aisle while van is stuck with all of tanzania in her line. i clear customs in like 5 minutes, and im standing at the baggage carousel watching the same suitcases go round and round and round and starting to get nervous cos my bag is nowhere to be seen and then i hear “attention passengers from air new zealand flight 706, miss angela sk sk-o sk-o-t-ich please come to baggage services”- yep...the motherf**kers lost my bag! apparently it was left in auckland – which i thought was just fucking fantastic, although i was more relieved than angry cos i didn't have to drag that heavy ass bag around for a while and the little old man from air nz was so cute and he promised me it'd get dropped at the hotel tonight. (yeah fucking right)

We cab it to our hostel, which is a madass retro style melrose place set up on hollywood boulevard. it was so gold (actually it was bright blue). went for a walk down hollywood boulevard and that ended up turning into a very random night/day.We ate gold $2 hotdogs on Hollywood boulevard for lunch and discovered that america's lemonade is actuallly just lemon cordial and tastes like shit. We got tickets to the guiness world records museum, ripleys believe it or not, and the wax museum. the wax museum was shit, couldnt pose with any of the celebrities proery or anything like that so it was gay. but at ripleys, there was a two headed goat - keen dejan?

After the museums finally ended we jumped on this hollywood homes tours in this crazy convertible van thing but whatever- that's not as exciting as us going to LC's house!!! oh my god!!! i was so excited i start yelling at the top of my voice “LLLAAUUUURREEEENNNNNN! are you home?? can i be your friend? please please please let me in! is brody there? i heard Lo moved out? good – she was like toxic poison- bad for you!” anyway, saw a whole bunch of other random stars houses like christina aguilera (old osbournes house), sharon stone, al pacino, perez hilton etc. Sadly, the bus driver wouldn't take us to Steve Sanders house or to Kelly Taylors – he's changed.

Its like 6pm by the time we finished the tour and it was freaking freezing in this topless bus and im sitting there wrapped in some septic blanket that was covering the seats on the bus, it was kinda gross but necessary...like a big fat fart.

We were walking down hollywood boulevard and we stopped at Starbucks for a cocoa – i would hve much rathered a Latte – but seriously, the coffee in america? it's shit! as in so bad i wouldn't even give it to ya mum' dog or whatever! it's like dirty dish water times a freakin million! how hard is it to make good coffee? apparently very. okay where were we? oh yes – starbucks. so we're at starbucks and some random black dude starts talking to us about general shit like what we're doing in LA and blah blah blah. when we told him we quit our jobs to come traveling, he goes “ddaaaayyyuuuummmm. dat's some rock star shit right there y'all”. hahah indeed. so it turns out he's ice cubes manager and ice cube was doing a performance at jimmy kimmel live that night, so invites us to go along. so we do, and we meet ice cube, and he's freaking cool man!!! hhahaha i love it! one day in to the trip, and clebrity buddy count is already at 1! beautiful! after jimmy finished we exit through the carpark only to stumble across some random carpark concert for the band keane – never heard of them, but according to van, apparently they're cool, (yep..so's ya mum).
Once all that finished we headed back towards the hostel aand stop at La Cantina for dinner. Now for those of you obsessed with the hills, you should now what that is, for those who aren't – you're forgiven and for those of you who do watch and still don't know – you're not cool anymore. La Cantina is this awesome mexican restaurant that the hills crew always go to .... especially spencer and heidi. the food was awesome man – fajitas ans a 2 litre jug of margaritas..for $35 bucks! could life be any greater? well actually yes it could for me, i went there in the hope that i would see speidi and i could throw a taco at spencers head and his floating diamonds and throw a fajita plate at heidis face an d watch the plastic melt. game on moles. hahahah

Anyway the day ended with us heading bck to the hostel, but not before im stopped by some random black dude wheeling a nanna shopping trolley who screams at me ..”DAAAMMN GIRL, I KNOW YOU DONT RECOGNISE ME COS I GOT ME SOME CLOTHES ON, BUT WHY YOU NEVER CALLED ME? HOW YOU BEEN GIRL” hahah cracky much?

just to make sure we had all of LA covered – we made a stop at 7 eleven for some alcohol! where we discovered that america sells coronas in like a big ass 1 litre long neck size...and for $3! (um...i'll take 3 please) seriously – how freaking awesome! and in seven eleven! gawgeous! Needless to say,, we got blind and the drunk dialling started. hahahah enjoying it kids?!


Anyways...thats LA- in a nutshell (or um...an essay like this is. whatever.)

Love you all long time
Ange
xo

PS – Van nearly necked me in LA, because everytime a white ute went past, i screamed out “SSTTTEEEEPPPHHHEEEENNNNN?” (just like kristen did when she was whining on Laguna) and then if there was no response to that, i would scream out “TTTTAAAAALLLLLLLLAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNN”.

Seasoned Travellers.....NOT!

So the morning of the 3^rd of december dawned bright and early, and i had yet to see my bed from the night before! I was way too excited to sleep, and was still culling the seven pairs of shoes i'd planned to take but couldn't fit in my bag, 15 mins before we had to leave for the airport.

Anyway, get to the airport, check in and all that boring blah stuff. We get on the plane to Auckland, and let me just say – it was a bit cosy – i thought if our plane to LA was like this too i might have necked myself! actually no...i would have necked vanessa. haha.

anyway, the plane from auckland to LA was awesome...my 65 foot long legs were very happy for the abundance of leg room and my brain was very happy with the abundance of chick shit entertainment available! Note to readers-> nights in rodanthe is bad. so bad and so chicky that even i hated it! Loved gossip girl tho – thats a show i could definitely become obsessed with it, just need to find a priority place amongst my other faves like beverly hills 90210, dawsons creek and the hills!